Friday, March 26, 2010
我觉得有些感觉，还是第一时间纪录下来比较真实~
今天心里满满的都是感动.. 真的觉得心快被塞爆了。
我自认不是一个很好的朋友，很多时候都会不自觉的有所保留..
当然很多反应是看对象，而做出不同程度的自我防卫、自我保护吧。
就觉得，现在的友情其实大多都还蛮自私的.. 似乎只是想从对方的生命中得到些什么..
不是指互相利用或金钱利益什么，
而是想换取对方的陪伴，安慰，快乐等等等…
这些都是建立在以‘我’为中心点。
普通朋友，互相认识
好朋友，互相了解
那~ 知己呢?
每个人对朋友的定义不同，
不过不管怎样，应该都是知己难求吧~
交朋友要交心
这句话很简单，却也很难做到。
话说回来，我觉得我不配得到如此真心的对待..
虽然说友情不是买卖，不能以交换条件衡量~
但就还是会觉得似乎亏欠了什么。
第一次感觉那么厚重的‘心意’
真的有点不知所措，难以负荷。
大家因为同个目标聚集在一起，
这种感觉很妙、很难得。
我会好好珍惜。
我真的不善于表达情感，
很多感动，没有说，但是都在心里~
真的，心意我收到了，
这样真的已经很满足、很足够了。
今天心里满满的都是感动.. 真的觉得心快被塞爆了。
我自认不是一个很好的朋友，很多时候都会不自觉的有所保留..
当然很多反应是看对象，而做出不同程度的自我防卫、自我保护吧。
就觉得，现在的友情其实大多都还蛮自私的.. 似乎只是想从对方的生命中得到些什么..
不是指互相利用或金钱利益什么，
而是想换取对方的陪伴，安慰，快乐等等等…
这些都是建立在以‘我’为中心点。
普通朋友，互相认识
好朋友，互相了解
那~ 知己呢?
每个人对朋友的定义不同，
不过不管怎样，应该都是知己难求吧~
交朋友要交心
这句话很简单，却也很难做到。
话说回来，我觉得我不配得到如此真心的对待..
虽然说友情不是买卖，不能以交换条件衡量~
但就还是会觉得似乎亏欠了什么。
第一次感觉那么厚重的‘心意’
真的有点不知所措，难以负荷。
大家因为同个目标聚集在一起，
这种感觉很妙、很难得。
我会好好珍惜。
我真的不善于表达情感，
很多感动，没有说，但是都在心里~
真的，心意我收到了，
这样真的已经很满足、很足够了。
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I wonder what can a person be flushing down the toilet when the flushing continues consecutively for like more den 10 times?! How environmental friendly.
Ok that’s beside the point.
Well, was looking at a kinda emo blog post earlier on. Topic set was ‘nostalgia’. This is one feeling or emotion (or whatever you call it) that only comes with age and maturity. Only when you’ve grown past a certain stage or phase of life, can you den look back and reminisce the times you’ve spent there.
Hmm, why do people like to look back at the past so much? It doesn’t necessarily be the bestest of times isn’t it..? but just somehow, we all just like to keep remembering these bits and pieces of our past experiences. My guess is.. those that have gone into the past, they are already fixed.. no uncertainties, no grey areas, what you see is what you get. As compared to the present, it not that the present is not just as wonderful or if not better, just that its still in process. We can’t see the whole picture of what the situation is now.
So at the end of it all, being nostalgic probably just give us a channel to escape into the past.. a past where there’s stability and acceptance, a history where it can no longer be changed no matter if you like it or not.
Perhaps we all just need some peace and assurance from our past. Some courage that can keep us going into a future unknown; some strength that will let us continue writing new chapters of our life…
Ok that’s beside the point.
Well, was looking at a kinda emo blog post earlier on. Topic set was ‘nostalgia’. This is one feeling or emotion (or whatever you call it) that only comes with age and maturity. Only when you’ve grown past a certain stage or phase of life, can you den look back and reminisce the times you’ve spent there.
Hmm, why do people like to look back at the past so much? It doesn’t necessarily be the bestest of times isn’t it..? but just somehow, we all just like to keep remembering these bits and pieces of our past experiences. My guess is.. those that have gone into the past, they are already fixed.. no uncertainties, no grey areas, what you see is what you get. As compared to the present, it not that the present is not just as wonderful or if not better, just that its still in process. We can’t see the whole picture of what the situation is now.
So at the end of it all, being nostalgic probably just give us a channel to escape into the past.. a past where there’s stability and acceptance, a history where it can no longer be changed no matter if you like it or not.
Perhaps we all just need some peace and assurance from our past. Some courage that can keep us going into a future unknown; some strength that will let us continue writing new chapters of our life…
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I can feel my brain stalled. Not moving despite many attempts to use it. It’s a weird feeling.. Like stoned, empty, numbed. Something happened yesterday night, and logically speaking, I would have emo-ed under normal circumstances. But I actually didn’t. Wondering if i have grown up, or am i simply just too tired to get emo over it. My fren said I am too tired.. nice fren =.=
Anyway, its bout 2 weeks to the end of the month. Complicated feelings. I really wish I could fast forward the month of march.. too unbearable at times. This coming 2 weeks will be horrible. Physically and mentally taxing. Die die must survive lo.. afterall I’ve survived so many sem, should be able to hold on for that little longer.
Well, recently made a bunch of new frens through facebook. Friendship is something really amazing. When you tot you found it, it might not be the case.. den somehow it just pops out when you least expected it. Had a few nice long chats through this period of time.. just when I am on and off emo-ing. Hmm, somehow I can find some strength through the conversations.
Been reflecting abit on myself..typical thing to do during emo period. Anyway, was just wondering does not being in the limelight equates to not doing any work? So does it mean tat every little thing i do i have to make sure the whole world, or at least half, knows tat its my contribution? This is somethg I can’t quite understand. I guess I can never do it, neither do I wan to do it. This is just not me. I know working low profile is as good as not working to others, but so? At least I know I have done my duty. Yes I’ll sad when others dun recognize or worse still misunderstood.. but maybe someday, someone will realize? I duno.
I recognize the cruelties of this world. Cold, unfair and dangerous.
But~ maybe~~ deep down somewhere…
I still innocently believe that.. The world is fair.
Anyway, its bout 2 weeks to the end of the month. Complicated feelings. I really wish I could fast forward the month of march.. too unbearable at times. This coming 2 weeks will be horrible. Physically and mentally taxing. Die die must survive lo.. afterall I’ve survived so many sem, should be able to hold on for that little longer.
Well, recently made a bunch of new frens through facebook. Friendship is something really amazing. When you tot you found it, it might not be the case.. den somehow it just pops out when you least expected it. Had a few nice long chats through this period of time.. just when I am on and off emo-ing. Hmm, somehow I can find some strength through the conversations.
Been reflecting abit on myself..typical thing to do during emo period. Anyway, was just wondering does not being in the limelight equates to not doing any work? So does it mean tat every little thing i do i have to make sure the whole world, or at least half, knows tat its my contribution? This is somethg I can’t quite understand. I guess I can never do it, neither do I wan to do it. This is just not me. I know working low profile is as good as not working to others, but so? At least I know I have done my duty. Yes I’ll sad when others dun recognize or worse still misunderstood.. but maybe someday, someone will realize? I duno.
I recognize the cruelties of this world. Cold, unfair and dangerous.
But~ maybe~~ deep down somewhere…
I still innocently believe that.. The world is fair.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
i never really realise i like to write that much. was bored moments ago and really duno wat to do, and the first thing that came to my mind was.. write something.. somewhere. Though words often can relay the wrong meaning and intentions, but in contrast to speaking, i prefer this form of communication more. I'm not good at this either i must say.
oh well, i saw these words just now.. by 范瑋琪, she said.. "人在迷失或看不清前方的時候、最適合創作、真的。不管是甚麼、寫下來、就是找尋出口的第一盞明燈、透過創作、寫字、讓我們更認識自己。" somehow i find consensus in these words. how appropriately they came haha. i am definitely not sure if i know myself better through wat i write, but i see it as a form of bookmarking. noting down thoughts, feelings and tinkings of life at different points. its my way of growing up i tink.
oh well, i saw these words just now.. by 范瑋琪, she said.. "人在迷失或看不清前方的時候、最適合創作、真的。不管是甚麼、寫下來、就是找尋出口的第一盞明燈、透過創作、寫字、讓我們更認識自己。" somehow i find consensus in these words. how appropriately they came haha. i am definitely not sure if i know myself better through wat i write, but i see it as a form of bookmarking. noting down thoughts, feelings and tinkings of life at different points. its my way of growing up i tink.
Monday, March 08, 2010
Shifted to a new sitting position at work last Friday. Not a good location to be using internet definitely, but just as the sentence goes “因為更加困難，所以更要證明”..hahaha so well, in a very short time I’ve realize, I tend to use more internet actually! Anyway at such a strategic location, really no feel to do work de lo. Ppl walking around, pantry & door just within a few steps, lightings uneven.. more den enuff reason to slack! Ok I sound like I’m validating why I am not working, but well, through all these negative points, there is certain good parts bout this place la. Coz I can disappear and walk out the door. And the irritating aunty is some distance away from me Finally!! And den I can also print my stuff without worrying ppl might take..haa.
Oh well, I really need to do a countdown chart loh.. must have a figure to look to so that I won’t feel so lost I guess. But then again, after the long break.. whats gonna happen? I really duno eh. Somehow I’ve told myself not to worry bout the future, things will go smoothly, God will lead somehow.. but is it really the case? What should or can I do about it at all..? pray? Sure have to take some actions de ba? But.. What?? Ok shit, I’m starting to worry bout things again..
Anyway lucky for the start of a bad sitting position and a horrible period of time ahead.. both my bosses not around. So at least I can get used to it today. When they’re back, it’s a whole new story. As for now, I shall go facebook again.. and maybe before that, shall disappear outside for awhile.. wahahah.. off I go~~~
Oh well, I really need to do a countdown chart loh.. must have a figure to look to so that I won’t feel so lost I guess. But then again, after the long break.. whats gonna happen? I really duno eh. Somehow I’ve told myself not to worry bout the future, things will go smoothly, God will lead somehow.. but is it really the case? What should or can I do about it at all..? pray? Sure have to take some actions de ba? But.. What?? Ok shit, I’m starting to worry bout things again..
Anyway lucky for the start of a bad sitting position and a horrible period of time ahead.. both my bosses not around. So at least I can get used to it today. When they’re back, it’s a whole new story. As for now, I shall go facebook again.. and maybe before that, shall disappear outside for awhile.. wahahah.. off I go~~~
Sunday, March 07, 2010
i need a break.. the essay is driving me crazy. Really never felt this way before, the dread to do such a boliao paper. Other modules with much tougher topics, though harder to complete, never made me feel so reluctant to continue before. Been procrastinating for much longer den expected earlier on, now the dread and urgency to complete is much much more.
Oh well, recently faced with some issues. I'm amazed at how i've handled the situation. The way i deal with the issues involving others have improved so much.. i can actually lay out the problem so openly and tok it through, never before have i done that.. maybe tot bout it yes, but no actions done. This time round i stunned myself once again.. congrats to me.
BUT.. i realise i still can't handle my own feelings and emotions well. when it comes to facing such issues, i guess i'm still quite a failure. Maybe its easier to reason out with others as compared to my inner self? i duno. this aspect is something to work on in the future.
Oh ya, emo and bad moods can actually make you lose weight! i see figures dropping abit on and off. so does it mean that eating while we have no appetite doesn't make you put on weight? wow, somethg to look into eh..haha.
Before i end off.. just wanna say,
有些命运 摆脱不了 只能学着接受
有些感觉 不想承认 但也只能面对.
life goes the way that not everything you set out to look for will happen the way you wan it. in both good or bad terms.
earlier on i've experinced bad ones. feelings and things beyond my control.
today i've felt somethg good for once.
things that have stressed me out and i tot was a flop, turned out pretty ok in the end.
造化弄人啊~
Oh well, recently faced with some issues. I'm amazed at how i've handled the situation. The way i deal with the issues involving others have improved so much.. i can actually lay out the problem so openly and tok it through, never before have i done that.. maybe tot bout it yes, but no actions done. This time round i stunned myself once again.. congrats to me.
BUT.. i realise i still can't handle my own feelings and emotions well. when it comes to facing such issues, i guess i'm still quite a failure. Maybe its easier to reason out with others as compared to my inner self? i duno. this aspect is something to work on in the future.
Oh ya, emo and bad moods can actually make you lose weight! i see figures dropping abit on and off. so does it mean that eating while we have no appetite doesn't make you put on weight? wow, somethg to look into eh..haha.
Before i end off.. just wanna say,
有些命运 摆脱不了 只能学着接受
有些感觉 不想承认 但也只能面对.
life goes the way that not everything you set out to look for will happen the way you wan it. in both good or bad terms.
earlier on i've experinced bad ones. feelings and things beyond my control.
today i've felt somethg good for once.
things that have stressed me out and i tot was a flop, turned out pretty ok in the end.
造化弄人啊~
Friday, March 05, 2010
以下是两年前写的一篇文~
很佩服自己写出这样的东西..
回想起来，依然那么贴切、那么实在。
--------------------------------------------------------
今晚的月亮好大、好圆、好亮~
不知道从什么时候开始喜欢看月亮。
它没有太阳那么枪眼、也没有那么热情奔放的感觉..
可是它一直默默的在最深的夜晚努力的照耀着，
希望为漆黑的夜带来一点温暖、一点希望、一点光。
当夜晚消失在太阳升起那瞬间，
月亮就会静静的在一旁等待下个能够发光的机会。
觉得自己像月亮。
努力在自己的天空发亮，
想为人们做些什么、留下些什么..
不过常常在天亮时人们就会忘记它的存在。
感觉自己付出的有点笨~
可能是我傻，因为可能也没人会觉得自己有贡献..
我只是想做我觉得对的、应该做的，
别人怎么想我控制不了..
这就是我 - 这就是我的人生。
很佩服自己写出这样的东西..
回想起来，依然那么贴切、那么实在。
--------------------------------------------------------
今晚的月亮好大、好圆、好亮~
不知道从什么时候开始喜欢看月亮。
它没有太阳那么枪眼、也没有那么热情奔放的感觉..
可是它一直默默的在最深的夜晚努力的照耀着，
希望为漆黑的夜带来一点温暖、一点希望、一点光。
当夜晚消失在太阳升起那瞬间，
月亮就会静静的在一旁等待下个能够发光的机会。
觉得自己像月亮。
努力在自己的天空发亮，
想为人们做些什么、留下些什么..
不过常常在天亮时人们就会忘记它的存在。
感觉自己付出的有点笨~
可能是我傻，因为可能也没人会觉得自己有贡献..
我只是想做我觉得对的、应该做的，
别人怎么想我控制不了..
这就是我 - 这就是我的人生。